Pre-Mr. October (The Setup)

Ok, so this story is too fun and serendipitous not to share. Last Saturday, a couple friends and I went out for some girl's night fun! While getting our groove on and listening the the bumpin' sounds of the 80's, I happened to catch the eye of 2 guys. They claimed to be brothers, however, I learned today that they aren't brothers but have grown up together and are close enough that they consider each other "like" brothers. Well, the younger one (35 y/o) was more my speed, even though they both are cute. I thought the younger one was into me but soon realized that the older one (39 y/o) was.  Well, us girls, being girls, had to go potty (in a group) and when we returned, I had lost track of said "brothers".

Fast forward to Sunday.... I took a leap of faith and posted an ad in the Missed Connections section of Craig's List thinking there's no way that those boys would think to check there, and I will never talk to them again. Well, low and behold, the younger "brother" saw my ad and responded. Turns out he's engaged but his "brother" is single. He passed my number to his "brother" and we talked on the phone, getting to know the basics of one another, for a little over an hour. He has 3 kids; ages 2 (girl), 6 (boy), and 10 (girl).  Their mom isn't in the picture- I didn't get into detail, that was enough information for me. He (and the kids) live in Glen Dirty, Oh, I mean Glen Burnie with his parents. He moved in with them a year or so ago to be closer to work and be around his kids more. He was living in PA and traveling all over MD for work so he was missing out on his kids.  He said he wants to see me again and suggested we go ice skating this weekend. He's going to look into the weather forecast and pick a suitable time! I'm way excited! I don't want to put the horse before the cart or is it the cart before the horse? Whichever is the one I don't want to do... must be cart before the horse because a horse generally goes before a cart to pull it...(You just got a glimpse into the workings of my brain) ok so, I don't want to put the cart before the horse, but I think this is going to be one of the best dates in a LONG while. Not saying this is a match made in heaven, nor am I thinking it will turn into something more long term/serious, but it's exciting and has a great story beginning! :) Let's see what happens! Stay tuned......  

The Final Installment of The Crazy Train!

Ok... so I'm leaving you with the last conversation that is/was between Mr. Crazy, oops, I mean Mr. September and I.  This is what I woke up to and is time stamped at 12:41 am. ENJOY! **Anything in parenthesis and caps are my thoughts only** The "u" and "cuz" and "ur" is direct spelling/quote from Crazy Ass! I may have changed some u's to you because it's hard for me not to correct things!**

Mr. Crazy September: Well I did my thinking and I guess I should thank you, I'm no longer going to act like I did... obviously people don't like the Scott they see cuz they think they know me and think I'm desperate or something...that's BS...I can show u it is....my demeanor from here on out will be different, so u don't have to try and like me...if you don't like who I am, ur not worth having...goodnight.  and even if it's a dream/joke, you asked me to go to Alaska with you (TOTALLY TAKEN OUT OF CONTEXT)... I could've taken that out of context and say your desperate and needy but nooooo, I look past that shit as, maybe she's just nice...if I do the same shit...I'm desperate and needy....ur a teacher and u say ur smart (UM CORRECTION: I KNOW I'M SMART!)...u need to show it by looking outside the box...u mistook my generosity as desperation and now, I will show you the other Scott...the one that is not so nice.  so ur off the hook since I make you uncomfortable....take care of urself and if u want to start fresh then i'm for it, if not then I will just be on my way but u are losing a great guy...bye.

Me: Now you're putting words in my mouth.  I never said you were needy or desperate and I never said you made me uncomfortable.  You said those things.  Perhaps those are your insecurities coming through.  Yes, Alaska was a joke.  I certainly can't pack up and move to Alaska right away nor with a stranger.  Anyway, guess we aren't going to see eye to eye.  Your reaction to my simple comment is a bit disturbing to me as well.  Sorry. I'm sure we will both find great matches but we are not one anothers'.  Take care.

MR. CS: Nope and just like the typical woman, u can't admit when ur wrong (UM, HOW AM I WRONG, EXACTLY?) and they are not insecurities...u said I WANT a relationship so bad (DID I SAY THIS? PRETTY SURE I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT HE'S TALKING ABOUT RIGHT NOW!)...come on teacher... that's saying I'm needy.  U women take what u want from something and leave the rest...and now u know why ur still alone...u wanna talk insecurities. I have trust issues (AMONGST OTHERS OBVIOUSLY!!!!)  wtf does it matter to you if I spend time at my brothers...don't you think that's non of your business since I never even got to know your last name (IF YOU'RE CONFUSED, SO AM I! HE NEVER ASKED MY LAST NAME) and you should be flattered (OH, PLEASE TELL ME WHY!!!!) a good looking guy like me took interest in you, ur far from a 10 (THAT'S RIGHT! I'M AT LEAST A 13!!!) and I will make this your warning (I'M FRIGHTENED AT THIS POINT! FRIGHTENED, I WILL PEE MY PANTS FROM LAUGHTER!)  don't contact me anymore.

Me:  LOL!!! Take care!

Mr. CS: Guess you don't take me for real (NOT WHEN YOU SAY "TAKE ME FOR REAL")...guess you will have to get a call from the cops...I don't think you know who you're dealing with (OH, I DO AND IT'S HYSTERICAL!) , so comment again and make it worse....

Me: I'm concerned about your mental health! Please take care of yourself! Bye. I surely will not be contacting you again.

Mr. CS: Good!

Mr. September Date Two....The Twilight Zone!!!!!

Ok, so, we met again at P.F. Chang's in Columbia since he was in the mood for it again. He also mentioned that we could go to the movies afterward and I went with the idea even though I knew I wasn't going to go to the movies. First, if you know me, I prefer to go to the movies solo. Plus, kind of silly to go to the movies on a date since you can't talk or get to know someone for 2 hours while you're in there! Movie dates are for established couples/relationships, not for dating. The first date, he paid and said "How about I pay this time and you can pay next date". Well, if he was SMART (pay attention single guys) he would have offered to pay this time too! He would have earned some brownie points! He's trying to "catch" me, not the other way around! So anyway, we ate and then went for a walk around the mall. It was like Groundhog's Day! EXCEPT, this time, he kept saying things that seemed like he was scoping out presents for Christmas. There were some boots I saw and liked but I told him I wasn't paying the price. He said he would chip in 20 bucks towards them (WHY DIDN'T HE PAY FOR LUNCH DATE?) and I declined. I just thought that was too forward for date number two. He also kept making comments about taking me different places and traveling here and there which is fine and all. I mean I wouldn't mind someone to do things with and travel with but he seemed like he was already naming our children and Golden Retriever! He also has an annoying laugh. I know, I know... sounds petty...well think Janice from Friends but a little deeper due to it being a male laugh. That's it! He also talks NON STOP, to anyone within ear shot and makes stupid "jokes" that aren't that funny...more annoying. He's like one of those old guys that make jokes to try to fit in with younger people but yet, it just comes across as trying too hard. I looked past these last few qualities on date one as to not be labeled petty, or any other name by anyone reading these blogs. However, I'm not sure I can deal with it on a long term basis. He also asked if he could "friend me" on FB. I didn't want to tell him that I might be bashing him later today and he might cry himself to sleep once he read it, so I told a white lie and said that I only add friends if we are friends and nothing more. I don't add my "dates".  He said he understood and he just wanted to add me to show that he isn't hiding anything... well, you can hide a lot on FB! Public Records on the other hand.... been there, checked that!

Twilight Zone Time
When I got home, he texted me to tell me he was home and I told him that at the moment I was just feeling the friend vibe but that's not to say that things won't develop to more over time. He responded with some whoa is me crap and I quote: "Oh, friend vibe huh... I get that a lot... and it is very frustrating for me... makes me not wanna be nice cuz I always finish last...I'm not saying that mainly directed at u, I just get sick of hearing that... it's cool tho. Going out...I ttyl...thanks for a fun day. And I'm not mad hun.  I just get frustrated cuz being nice and gentlemanly, equals friends these days...it used to mean someone is into u cuz he respects u and doesn't want to stick his tounge down ur throat and hand down ur pants on the first date...trying to figure out what these sparks are everyone is talking about ...anyways, just wanted to explain why I'm feeling the way I am...every time I think someone likes me, I hear that friend shit...now I did see that ur open to it possibly being more and I'm thankful for that...I will be back in a while. TTYL."

So to that, I responded with: " A relationship doesn't happen overnight.  You seem to want it to magically happen and rush into it or force it instead of letting things progress.  I was turned off by all the "presents talk" and xmas gifts and offering to pay for part of shoes.  I mean two dates and you're talking presents for holidays... Just a bit much for me so I figured I would let you know where my head's at because I know yours is somewhere else and didn't want to lead you on.  Like I said, relationships can't be forced and don't happen overnight.  I enjoy your company. Just willing to see where it goes gradually. "

And to that he responds with: " No and I'm cool with that but what u don't know about me, is I would buy anyone gifts. (THEN WHY DIDN'T YOU PAY FOR LUNCH, FOOL????).  It's just who I am... I like to make people smile and don't expect things in return... u thought it was me rushing u, when it turns out it's just who I am and when I like and am attracted to someone, I wanna make her happy.  Instead I made u uncomfortable... u have totally misunderstood me cuz u thought u know what goes on in my head...well ya didn't but that's why i'm telling you now....i'm sorry I offended u and u took it the wrong way."

WHAT??? Where do I go from here? I told him to have fun doing whatever it is he's doing. He said " I'm just taking a walk by the creek downtown.  Just some thinking time that's all... I still like u, u just deserved an explanation cuz I felt u totally don't get who I am...no one seems to...be gone just a bit. TTYL."  He claims to know me after two dates! He says, even on date one, things like  "Oh, I know you would like such and such movie." or "Oh, you would love Frederick. It's quiet and peaceful." Clearly he doesn't know me because I'm much more into urban areas. Hell,  NYC is my favorite place ever!  Frederick is nice to visit, but I don't think I could live there! So he doesn't know me but he gets his panties in a wad when I don't get him? Hmmm...... I think I might have to move on!

Apparently, he bought me a gallon of honey from his friend that owns a bee farm.  I told him on date one that I like honey or something came up about me eating honey and he mentioned that his friend has a bee farm and sells his honey.  Well today he told me he bought me a gallon and it cost him 35 bucks. (THANKS FOR THROWING IN THE PRICE, KEEP IT CLASSY!).  He just has to pick it up. Part of me wants to keep him around until I get this honey gallon! :) I guess we shall see what happens.... I hope there's no bridges on this walk that he's taking downtown! :/ I guess I'm just that awesome and lovable! (Modest too!)

Mr. September

ALRIGHT! Finally a great prospect for long term potential!

     First, some deets on the man before deets on the date.  Mr. September lives in Frederick (Yeah, I know!), he's 40 y/o, no kids, lives alone, and owns his own landscaping company.  He is the youngest of 4 boys. The 2 oldest brothers died a few years back from 2 separate medical conditions, 19 days apart from one another.  His mom died a while back, as well, in a car accident. His immediate older brother lives in Walkersville (I think that's the name), near him in Frederick and they aren't close but don't hate one another. His brother works for the DOD and is too "stiff" and "corporate" all the time.  His dad lives in Florida with his new wife (Mr. September refers to her as his stepmom) and they are close. His dad is near 80 y/o and his wife is 20 years younger.  Ladies man, apparently! Mr. September is 5'6" which is nice considering I'm 4'9". He also has capillary veins on the end of his nose which he is having surgery for the beginning of Dec. to have them removed. He says he is self conscious about his nose, so I thought it was very brave of him to meet me prior to his laser surgery. I figured most people who are insecure about something and have a plan to correct an issue would put off meeting anyone new until they felt more confident. I was impressed by that prior to meeting.
     Since he lives out in BFE, we (and by that I mean I) decided to meet in Columbia at P.F.Changs (their banana spring rolls are so yummer)! He was already there because he chose to leave his place 2 hours before meet up time not knowing how Rt 70 would be! I told him he'd be there at least an hour early... I was right! He was waiting in the lobby area and I was greeted with a nice hug. I'm not a hugger (shocking I know!) but I didn't hate it! I knew there was something worthwhile at that moment because I didn't want to vomit, push him away in disgust or avoid him like the plague due to his hugging personality! Trust me, I come across a hugger almost daily at work, and I do my best to avoid her like she's got a highly transmittable, epidemic causing disease.  So this is a huge milestone at this point! Anyway, moving on... conversation was easy and he was impressed with my intellect. Even one of the bus guys (he wasn't a boy- hence I can't use "bus boy") came over to comment on something I said that he overheard. I felt like the Einstein of P.F. Changs! These guys need to get out more or raise their standards if I'm impressive enough for a random employee to jump into a conversation! Flattering nonetheless. I think I'm a genius, it's nice when other people recognize this fact as well.  So we ate, chatted, and then when it was time to go he offered to help me with my coat which was nice! He didn't just grab it and help me put it on and I'm glad because I would have hated that... however, it was a nice gesture to point out that he was willing.  Very chivalrous this Mr. September is. He opens doors too! As we were leaving, I told him I was going to head over to the mall for some coffee or just to walk since it's been a while since I've been there. He asked if I wanted company  and I told him If he doesn't have to be anywhere then he is more than welcome to join me, AND I was actually honest about that comment! (I know, another shocker!).  So we went to the mall, the line for starbucks was long and me being me, was too impatient to wait in line. We walked around the mall and  I ended up getting tea at Panera where I was the only one in line! We then went into this way fun store that's called Marbles. It has tons of logic puzzles and brainy games. The first thing I picked up was this ball thing that had a lot of magnetic pieces all put together to create a ball. Well just one of those pieces was missing and I had no idea what it was suppose to do. I chose to squeeze it and apparently that's the wrong thing to do. When you do this, a bunch of pieces shoot off in a million directions! But I love this store because instead of getting dirty looks, the woman cheered me and clapped! :) I like that! Mr. September picked up all the pieces for me! I like that, too! I mentioned that we should have gone into that store before getting tea because I had to keep putting my cup down prior to playing with things. He said he would carry my cup and I let him! I then got to play with a spinny helicopter thing that I got to fling all over the store! A guy employee was watching me and Mr. September said something along the lines of "she is going to make a mess wherever she goes".  The employee said, "It's ok. We encourage hands on playing in here." Well, that's all I needed to hear! I was into EVERYTHING! A blue playing piece went wizzing by my head, and it wasn't from me. Apparently, I'm not the only one that makes messes in stores because a guy in his 20's apologized and went to pick up the piece! Very fun! We left out of there and walked back toward the exit. He walked me to my car and gave me another enjoyable hug before walking to his car. He also told me to let him know when I got home so he knows I made it. Now, I say this to my friends and they don't appreciate the fact that I worry about them nor do they ever say this to me. I appreciate the fact that he is concerned for my safety and well being. As I was pulling out of my space, I thought it might have been nice of me to offer to drive him to his car, but I couldn't find him. He had already escaped down the stairwell. I texted him when I got home, actually about 45 minutes later because, me being me, I forgot. He said he was home too and thanks for an amazing afternoon. I told him I was already looking forward to our next date. He said he was too.
     Then about 8:00 tonight he asked if I wanted to go to the Raven game tomorrow. I don't like the Ravens but I do like him, so I'm trying to get my butt load of papers graded tonight so I can enjoy my day tomorrow without grades/papers looming in the back of my mind. I'll post a second date blog tomorrow after returning from the game.

Mr. August

So Mr. August was located on a site today and within a half hour we planned to meet at Caribou Coffee. I got there early (my strategic move) and he was about 15 minutes behind me. I found him attractive until he opened his mouth and words came out! It didn't impress me that he was wearing a shirt that was clearly too tight for him. I knew he had money by the mini Lacoste shirt he was wearing. You would think, a guy who makes 6 figures (yes, he told me this) would have a shirt that fits properly.  So, what does said mini shirt wearing, 6 figure earning man do for a living? He works for Congress and I got the privilege of seeing his IDs and wallet with the House of Rep. emblem on it...  apparently, he thinks this is a panty dropper.... um I didn't so much as need a panty change because I was not impressed! He then told me he drives a truck and asked if I wanted to see it.... I replied with "I don't really need to." He seemed shocked that I didn't say "Oh, yes please... You mean you work for congress, make 6 figures, have a House of Representatives wallet, wear a $75.00 mini shirt AND own a truck?!? Take me to it!" What the heck! Then he kept making comments like, "I could take care of you." Um, I may be broke, like, literally ALL OF THE TIME, but no thanks! I don't need a man to "take care of me." He also said, since he lives down the street from me, I should come over and hang out at his place and see his house.... Really dude? No wonder you are single. Are there females out there that like d-bags like this? Perhaps not, since he's single...but then again, so am I and I think I'm a great catch, just can't find my counterpart! Speak of the Devil, I just got a text from him that says "I had a nice time xo" and apparently he sent the same exact message 15 minutes ago. Perhaps if I don't respond I'll get another one 15 minutes from now! We shall see..... I've never been so bored in my life! I told him I walk by his house nightly when I walk Molly. He told me I should call him and he'll walk with me.... that MIGHT happen, in his dreams tonight...but I don't think it will in reality! At least I am one month closer to being on target! Mr. September HAS got to be better than this dude! A shiny rock is better than this dude! Shiny rocks are fun to look at and they don't talk! :) Moving on.....


QUICK UPDATE:
Ok, so after thinking about it, I thought perhaps I was being a bit to hasty and misjudged Mr. August.  So, with that said... I asked if he wanted to meet Molly and I half way and go for a walk with us. He agreed. One thing I didn't mention in the original post is, he was constantly rubbing his foot  or ankle against my leg. I moved my foot a couple of times but he continued to chase my foot to play footsies. So tonight while we were walking, he kept rubbing my shoulder and back. HOW ANNOYING. Anyone who knows me, know that I don't like to be touched by people I don't know, and even most of the people I do know! So I said, "you are very touchy, feely." He asked if I was affectionate... I said sure when I'm with someone and I know them, but not with strangers or people I'm just getting to know. He then stated "well, we are dating. So how do you let someone know that you are into them and you'd like to spend time with them." I informed him that by me asking him to go for a walk and hang out is an indication that I'd like to get to know him. I don't need to pet anyone to show affection.  So, he apparently didn't understand what I was saying because he continued to touch me and I had to walk faster or pray that Molly would stop to break his touchy-feelyness. Yeah, I'm thinking this isn't going to work out! I think I might be TOO independent for him. He needs someone who he can be Prince Charming for and woo and sweep off her feet...that's not me!  I mean, I want a nice guy, but there is such a thing as TOO NICE and that's him! Did I mention he's Greek? Perhaps that explains his personality traits. If he was John Stamos I wouldn't let him go so easily...but he's not! :) I gave it a valiant effort, but there's too many "no's" and Molly wasn't too impressed either...no tail wag, no jumping hug.... she was more excited about the walk!



New and LAST Update:

The following is a text conversation that was had two nights ago. Enjoy!
Mr. August: Doing Ok?
Me:Yup
Mr. A: That's cool! Want to hang out later?
Me: Later tonight? (it's 11:14 pm)
Mr. A: Well I'm in bed for the rest of the night, but tomorrow or the next day.
Me: I'm in bed too! Perhaps....hit me up when you have an idea of what you want to do tomorrow. As long as you're not touchy feely...it just make me uncomfortable.
Mr. A: Why does it make you uncomfortable? That's kinda strange. Never been told that before.
Me: I think it's kinds strange that you rub up on people you just met. It should make someone uncomfortable to be rubbed against by someone you just introduced yourself to...how is that not weird?
Mr. A: Have you dated a man before? I mean, that's basically dating 101. Are you attracted to men? It's not like I touched you inappropriately.  Have you been a victim of abuse or something? Just trying to understand your viewpoint.
Me: Of course I'm attracted to men, but I've never had any man rub my leg or back upon first meeting them. It's weird...and every girl I've talked to agrees, so perhaps it's you that thinks it's normal but it's not.  No, I've never been abused....lol just don't like to be touched by strangers. It's weird that you don't get that. I think we are too different in regards to this... it's really not a big deal. I simply don't want to be touched by someone I don't know.  Ok...I'm going to sleep!
Mr. A: Well, you actually do know me. How do you think dating is suppose to work? You're getting to know a person.  There's no such thing as etiquette or a rule book for dating.  So there's no such thing as 'normal'. It depends on the 2 who are dating and how they feel towards one another.  Me showing minuscule amounts of affection isn't good or bad. It's also not out of the ordinary or as obscure as you're making it out to be unless you're not interested.  What propagates interest? Well, it depends on the person.
Me: I didn't know you when we first met and you rubbing on my leg was strange.  When I tell you I'm not comfortable with it and you continue to do so anyway, that's not cool either.  I think we should just go our separate ways since we have two different ideas of what we want in a partner and definitions of affection, dating and strangers.
Mr. A: We talked and got to know each other prior to meeting so that doesn't make me a stranger.
Me: Oh ok...we talked for 2 minutes. That's still a stranger.  I talked to the Comcast guy longer than you...Comcast guy is a stranger.
Mr. A: No, this is the first time you told me you're not comfortable.  Why date someone you're not comfortable with?
Me: OMG...Take care Mr. August (I didn't actually call him this but I'm not going to put his name up).
Mr. A: No we talked for an hour earlier in the day prior to going for a walk at night.
Me: No you were rubbing my leg 10 minutes into the "date"...anyway...take care!
Mr. A: Are you just not interested and trying to prove to me that I caused that for being slightly affectionate? How does that really make sense?  Who cares?  I rubbed your ankle with my foot. What's up with the nitpicking?
Me: OMG...You lost my interested because I tell you something and then you argue about it and analyze it.  It doesn't matter! Rubbing my ankle with your foot is weird!!!!! Bye. (I fell asleep right here and saw the following in the morning)
Mr. A: Look, you're obviously not into dating me. I did nothing wrong and you're accusing me of breaching etiquette for rubbing your ankle? lol You don't think that's strange at all? No, it's not! You obviously have issues.  If you don't want affection, don't date at all.  Don't tell me I"m weird because you aren't into me.  Just say you're not and quit wasting people's time. Jesus you're dumb (I thought it was rude he called Jesus dumb but whatever!).  Please don't text me anymore.

Mr. July (behind schedule)

Alright, I met Mr. July last night, and it was AWESOME! He is so adorable, has gorgeous blue eyes, a bald head, fantastic (straight) smile and a great personality! He has a 4 year old and is currently separated. He will be divorced in a couple months. He is living with his Aunt and Uncle in Glenn Dale until he gets back on his feet. He seems to be honest and divulges information that might hinder a female from meeting him but he puts it out there anyway.

We went to Moni's which I've only been there a couple other times. He was there before me and he text me to ask what he could get me prior to be getting there. I decided, just to be on the safe side, I would order when I get there. I didn't want to take any chance of something being slipped into my drink. I'm very cautious (See Ms. Jody, I'm very careful!).

When I got there, he was already at the bar and so I sat myself down and order a Sam Adams (what else?) and he told the barkeep (I turned into 1950's lingo) to put it on his tab! NICE! So we chatted a bit about his job. About his job: He works as an EMT for a private ambulance company. I had no idea what a "private ambulance company" was or did but he informed me and now I'm super smart! :)

After chatting for a bit, we played pool. He kicked my butt! I think I won only one game legit and a whole bunch by default (he put 8 ball in or scratched on 8 ball, etc.). He asked if I've lived in this area all my life. I told him I lived in Riverdale/Hyattsville until grade 3. He mentioned he lived in Riverdale also and we discovered that he went to the same daycare I did and Riverdale Elementary. However, we weren't at either place at the same time. He's a year younger than me and he went to Riverdale Elem. when he was in 2nd grade to 5th grade. So we crossed paths by a year. Same with the day care; he went there when he was in Kindergarten and I went there for 2nd grade. It was very interesting! One of the games, we made a bet, but we didn't divulge what the winner got until there was a winner. Of course he won and all he wanted was a hand shake. I thought that was cute, but lacked creativity! :) If I had won, I was going to say "another date".  I hope I get my bet winnings regardless!

So after getting my butt kicked at pool several times, we ended up closing the place down. So at closing time, we walked to our cars (which oddly enough we ended up parking right next to one another) and we said good night. A kiss occurred. He's a fairly good kisser. I'd say an 8 out of a possible 10.

My only gripe (you knew there was at least one coming) is that when he tells "stories", he seems to exaggerate a bit. Now, this might be because he's trying to impress, he's a good story teller and adds "flair" in there or it could be because he's not as truthful as he first appears. Only time will tell. We seemed to get along well and have a great time, so I hope we hang out again. The next opportunity I have to see him with his work/kid schedule is Monday and then it won't be again until the following Monday (Labor Day).  Hopefully, there will be a Mr. July Update posted sometime in the next week! :) Happy Reading!

A Bit of Crazy

To give my readers what they want and to give some insight into just a sampling of the bit of crazy that I have to deal with here is a written transcript of a text message log that occurred between me and a potential new Mr. Someone... clearly, not going to happen. Enjoy reading!

Me: So you have your kids every other weekend or how does that work?
Douche: Yes, and Wed. and Thur.
Me: So you have them every other wed-sun?
Douche: Every other weekend Friday to Mon. morning and then Wed. and Thur.
Me: Strange schedule...or is it every wed. and thurs.
Douche: Every
Me: crazy schedule nonetheless!
Douche: no not really. I don't expect you to understand you don't have kids.
Me: Ouch! I didn't say it was something I don't understand... Just a crazy schedule.
Douche: No actually it's not.  I come as a package so you are already commenting on what you don't know...good luck with your hunt.
Me: Ok... wow! Ok then!
Douche: I don't play games or take any shit when it comes to my kids.
Me: I wasn't playing games or giving shit... not sure why our conversation went South from an innocent comment.  You mush have some insecurities or think woman have ill intentions I'm not sure but good luck.
Douche: Long distance doesn't work anyway. No insecurities just no BS.
Me: Didn't know you considered Bmore long distance especially when you claim to be in my area often! Again, not sure what BS you claim to have been dealing with...since no bs was given.  But good luck.
Douche: I'll tell my boss I'm gonna stop by your house for an hour everytime I'm in your area...I'm sure he will have no problem...really
Me: Ok you went from nice and normal to asshole and douchey! Good luck!
Douche: Don't fuck with my kids!
Me: OMG Crazy! I wasn't! How is saying it seems like you have a crazy custody schedule fucking with your kids? You are nuts, no wonder you're divorced! Good luck and stop messaging me!
Douche: There's a reason you're single and without kids at your age.  Take care no reason to respond.
Me: I don't want kids...any ass can have a kid! You're good example of that!
Douche: F-you
Me: no thanks, you might get me pregnant and then I'll have to deal with you 24/7 and have a weird ass schedule... oooo I bet you're pissed now because god forbid I talk about your schedule. That's apparently fucking with your kids! LOL! Good luck, again!
Douche: Just stop texting me, no need to respond.
Me: OK
Douche: TY
Me: YW
 THEN he calls me!!!! of course I didn't pick up, because what's the point! Clearly he's a strange one! What is seriously wrong with people?!?!?
Douche:

Mr. June

I met Mr. June at his favorite restaurant, La Fondita, in Glen Burnie. It is an authentic Mexican restaurant where they speak little to no English and they only accept cash. Well, I didn't know the "cash only" deal so Mr. June had no choice to either pay or dine and dash! I TRIED to order a vegetarian dish but Senorita explained that they didn't have vegetarian dishes available, so I settled for the beef tacos (you're always safe with beef tacos!). I wasn't a fan of their food, but I guess I like my Mexican food Americanized! Mr. June on the other hand is adventurous with his food selection... good for him! NOT ME! He's truly a nice guy, but when he talks he reminds me of Sheldon on Big Bang Theory. His picture did not look like him...maybe 5-10 years ago. He had acne like that of a 14 year old boy plus some other something on his lip... couldn't really tell what was going on. Now as a victim of cold sores from time to time, I understand they pop up randomly (sometimes when stressed) but I would cancel a date with some lame excuse before I met someone for the first time with a cold sore. "I have lice." "I got a sudden case of small pox." "My 3 legged spider monkey isn't feeling well." "A 4 humped camel stepped on my foot while I was walking in the Amazon yesterday." These would all be acceptable and useable excuses if you have something going on and the conditions to meet someone new were not favorable. The conversation was good and he was easy to talk to but I wasn't physically attracted to him nor did I think that would change over time.  I did however decide that I would hang out with him again but as friends. About an hour or so after I got home from the date, Mr. June had emailed me a message asking if I wanted to go to dinner the upcoming Saturday. I was honest and told him I would but I wasn't physically attracted to him. He said he understood and apologized if the date was disappointing. I let him know I wasn't disappointed, just sometimes it rolls that way! He dropped the invite details after that so I figured he wasn't interested in a date between friends, and honestly, neither was I but I figured he wouldn't go through with the date if he knew I wasn't interested beyond "friends".  Another one bites the dust... on to Mr. July!!!!

Mr. May

So this past week, I met Mr. May. We didn't really chit chat much prior to meeting so there was plenty to discover while on the first date. We met at Caribou Coffee since he knew where it was and there was an outside sitting area that my Mol-Doo could come with. As soon as I saw him, I thought "Ok, well now I know why there were only head shots shared with me, but still decent looking." He wasn't a bagger or anything. Molly immediately flocked to him and gave him love which was a bit surprising but he was asking for it by saying hi to her on her level.  He offered to buy me a drink and he got Molly one as well and even carried her drink while we walked around the town center. He was married before... married for 5 years technically but separated after 3.  No kids...he and the ex (which he mentioned several times during our hour date) agreed to just have dogs and no kids.  He's very nice and kind, but not as rugged or manly as I'd like which may be the reason he doesn't have kids if you smell what I'm stepping in, or stepping in what I'm smelling...or however that saying goes. Anyway, he enjoys landscaping and gardening (flower kind) in his spare time. Now, my dad has a beautiful garden (flower and vegetable) too, but I think if I asked my dad what he likes to do in his spare time he would say camping, fishing, and/or hunting, not gardening. Everything was well and good until right up to the end. First a bit of background knowledge... prior to meeting, I asked him what his last name was. He said he didn't feel comfortable giving that information out but the initial was B. Fast forward to the date... he asked if I had turned my AC on yet, and I told him that it's been on since the temp. got above 70 degrees because I do not do heat! So, at the end of the date, we were walking back to the car and he said " I would invite you back to my house but I don't have my AC on yet." So, he wouldn't tell me his last name but he has no problem inviting me back to his house AND he thought I was going to say yes? Um. NO! I told him that I don't go to stranger's houses because I was brought up in the 80's with stranger danger as my main motto! Plus, you never know if their ulterior motive is to make your bones into wind chimes! Ok, perhaps I didn't say that but I was thinking it. I did ask him how he lives without AC and skirted around the question. He then stood there and asked if everything was good and if I was alright.... I didn't realize there was anything happening to be bad. Molly wanted to continue walking and I was hoping that he would dismiss himself, get into his car and Molly and I could turn around and continue our walk just us girls. However, he kept lingering. Perhaps he was telepathetic (as my friend Tracy would say) and knew my plan! So after he asked if everything was ok, I said yes and started walking to my car much to Molly's disappointment but I was sweating bullets because it was so redonkulously hot outside. Do we live in Maryland or the the Louisiana Bayou? I've never been to the Bayou but I imagine it's none too comfortable down yonder where the mosquitoes probably look like bats! And that's the end of my Mr. May tale because if he was that interested in going out on another date and not just going back to his unAC'd dwelling then he would have reached out and called me. I had in my mind that I would have gone out with him again just to see if he "manned up"- that takes on a whole new meaning doesn't it?!? I'm not heart broken that he never called or asked me out again. Molly's better company, and more rugged!

Mr. April

Background info. : Mr. April is half Philipino (dad) and half Puerto Rican (mom).  He hasn't seen his dad since his dad since he was 7 except for a brief conversation at the grandmother's funeral.  He was a Sargent (spelling looks off on this word but spell check corrected it to this!) and field medic in the military (Army). He was going to go to medical school but decided he'd much rather spend his time doing other things. So, now he is a cardiology technician part time and a full time pacemaker rep. He's originally from Bronx/Queens and he's 37 y/o. He has a 12 year old daughter that lives with mom and her new husband in Georgia. He was married to his daughter's mom many moons ago and says their marriage ended because they got married young and just grew apart. They are still friends.

Ok now to the date deets: Well, he has one eye brow that's longer than the other, a right nostril that's just ever so slightly smaller than the left one and he sneezed one too many times!  JUST KIDDING, but I bet that's what you expected to read! Honestly, he's close to my definition of perfect, the closest ANYONE has come to that definition-including the fantastic guy I was in an "engaged" relationship with many moons ago- that's sarcasm by the way!!! There's only 2 minor "things"- c'mon, you knew there had to be SOMETHING- . 1.) he talks incessantly about himself but I'm hoping that this is just because he's trying to impress or nerves and this will not be the case in the future. To his defence, he does realize he talks a lot but he would ask me something and then turn it around to be about him again before I was done talking. I'd rather him talk about himself than me share info. about me anyway, so it's not a huge deal... as long as it doesn't continue to be an ego-fest every time.  2.) Anyone who is up on MMA/UFC stuff will know what "cauliflower ear" is, and he has a slight one. It's definitely not a deal breaker to me, which is odd because I'm big on aesthetics of the face... builds character! He's does Ju Jitsu (or however it's spelled) and has friends that are into MMA/UFC seriously.  I believe he trains with his "fighter" buddies so he get's pretty banged up. He showed up today with wounds from last night's practice- a bruised lip and cut ear. He's very friendly-I got a hug coming and going! He's fun to look at- yes, I'm ending that with a preposition. He paid- You know that determines my likelihood to warrant a second date.  We got some grub at The Greene Turtle and afterwards he walked me to my car and said that we need to plan something again soon. So, when I got home, after pondering as I do, I sent him a text to see if he would like to join me at Boordy Vineyards next weekend to share in my siblings b-day festivities. I also mentioned that I hoped I wasn't jumping the gun and assuming he is interested. He said he'd love to and was going to see if I wanted to meet up again before then! YAY! I'm not sure when we will hang out again, hopefully before next Sunday but if not, hopefully on next Sunday! I'm looking forward to it, tremendously! I've never left a date so excited for a next one! I didn't want the date to end but he was tired since he got called in to his cardiology gig. I'll keep you all posted on Mr. April! I hope he sticks around to be my Mr. May as well... Mr. June? Mr. July? A girl can hope! :)

***UPDATE***
Ok, so Mr. April seemed so promising, but like so many Mr. Months before him, he turned out to be Mr. Weird! We chatted the whole rest of Saturday and then I didn't hear from him for the next 35 hours. Finally, after one last "hope you're ok" text Monday morning, he text back and said that he was really busy the night before due to being called in to work and he took Benedryl when he got home to regulate his sleep pattern and now he was groggy. I then text him back and told him, I figured he spent some time being called in but that doesn't make up for the past 35 hours. It also didn't make sense that he took sleep medicine that made him groggy when he was still on call for 48 hours. After that, I didn't hear anything from him. I'm going to assume that he was either married and realized he needed to cut ties before I put ALL the pieces together or he was hiding some other strange secret... who knows! Aren't there any normal, single males out there? On to Mr. May....

Mr. March

Background
So, Mr. March lives in Frederick so we decided to meet at P.F. Changs in Columbia since that's about midway between us.  I think I was more excited for P.F. Changs than I was to meet Mr. March- that should have been the first sign! He made a reservation for 2 o'clock so we met there about then. He's super tall compared to me (6'2") and he was attractive but not in the super hot sense... he's not bad looking. He's 43 years old, never been married, no kids.  

All the Red Flags
It didn't take long into the conversation for me to be turned off. When we sat down, he asked what I did the night before. I told him "Not much. I rented a couple red box movies and chilled at home." I asked what he did and he informed me that he had a friend over (I'm not sure male or female- I didn't ask) and they were up late talking. I asked what were you talking about that had you up so late.  He said he was talking about philosophical things, like the meaning of life and the universe and what not. B-O-R-I-N-G!!! He also mentioned his sister a couple of times and said that she married a French Dutchman who owns a couple vineyards.  I asked how old his sister is and she's a couple years younger than him. I then asked if they are close and he says "Well, not really anymore."  I was expecting him to say because she lives in France so there's not much time to visit but no he then tells me that she died 4 years ago. Hmmm... ok, weirdo! Why are you talking about her in present tense and that's a strange way to come out with that information! He also mentioned several different friends and all of them were females. I was going to ask him if he had any male friends and why so many female friends but I didn't care that much since I knew this was not a match made in heaven! This is a big red flag for me and this is why.... I have a handful of close female friends but as a whole females are dramatic and hormonal! So what makes Mr. March feel more connected to females than to males? Perhaps he hasn't come to the realization that he sleeps under a rainbow if you catch my drift!  I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that, to each their own but be who you are and not hide from reality! He mentioned that if he ever gets married he wants the whole family, kids deal and he feels like he is ready for kids because he has a puppy and he's very protective over him like a father to a son.  I love my Molly Doo a large amount but I don't compare her to a human child.... she's a DOG! I know there are people out there that treat their dogs like kids but those are usually of the female gender... again, strange to hear a guy talk like this. Not the kind of guy I would be into anyway. I like the fact that he has a dog because that shows he is responsible and not afraid of responsibility but to compare the dog to a kid, kinda creepy! Oh, a song just popped into my head "If happy little blue birds fly, beyond the rainbow.... why, oh why....  can't I?"

The End
He paid for the date, which was AWESOME! Free P.F. Changs is always a good thing! I figured he wasn't feeling the connection either and I probably wouldn't hear from him after we went to our individual cars. I asked if he wanted to walk to Starbucks to grab a coffee before we left and he said sure. I bought the coffee since he bought dinner. He seemed shocked by the fact I was offering to do this.  After we got our coffee, he walked me to my car, said hi to Molly who, of course, was sitting in the car, and then he left.  No hug. No "I'll talk to you/call you later." Just a thanks and it was nice meeting you. It's been 6 days and just as expected I haven't heard from him which is just as well. We didn't have much in common and he seems to have enough female friends to help him through his questions of life's existence. On to Mr. April!!!! 

Mr. February

So I met with Mr. February, Joe,  this past Sunday. However, I knew it was doomed from the planning of the meeting place. I asked him Saturday where he wanted to meet. I assumed he was going to pick somewhere in Waugh Chapel Center since he has seen the place but never had the time to explore it. I also shared with him some places that would be good meeting places about a week before. Well, wasn't I surprised when he suggested meeting at Chic-Fil-A! Well, I love me some Chic-Fil-A but as a date? I pointed out to him that they aren't open on Sundays. He replied with "Oh yeah" and then came up with the next best option. "What is that?" you might be wondering! Well, he then suggested Burger King!!! Really? Ok, so now I'm totally turned off and not wanting to meet at all. I then suggested, Greene Turtle, Panera, Bone Fish, Applebee's, Italian Market. He picks Applebee's, my least favorite out of the bunch, which I figured he would because it's the cheapest and closest to Burger King I suppose! I then told him that perhaps we should just meet at Starbucks an hour sooner so we did.

Top teeth: check, Bottom teeth: crooked but at least he had them all since I failed to do a preliminary pic shot of both sets of chompers. Yes, I make them take a pic of teeth and send to me prior to meeting, typically. He was coming from Brooklyn Park, that could have been a disaster, but seeing as though it was March 3rd and he was Mr. The Month Before, I just wanted to get the date over with so I could move on to hopefully better spring propspects. These winter dudes are winter duds!

 

So he shows up in some sort of hoodie jacket thing and for the love of all that is good, he should have kept that damn thing on because underneath was something no human should be caught wearing! A flame shirt! Now, some guys can pull this shirt off, a very select few of the male population mind you can pull this off! Many examples of the male population residing in Glen Burnie or Pasadena or Brooklyn Park have a shirt similar to this and think that it ROCKS, however, it takes a certain person to actually ROCK it well! Mr. February is not that guy! I was hoping he would get cold and put his hoodie thing back on! It takes a lot to embarrass me. He succeeded. 

After I got tea and he got his hot chocolate, we talked for a bit. I did what any girl would do on a first date and acted like I was interested in hearing about his job as a Roll Off Truck Driver. YAWN! He asked if I wanted to go to Chipotle's for lunch. I was THINKING "um, you think this is going to last until lunch time?" but what I SAID was "I'm meeting a friend at the mall for lunch later and I just ate breakfast" which was the actual truth.  He suggested we walk around the Town Center (thank god, he had to put that hoodie thing back on!) and I mentioned it was a bit cold out-freezing is more like it and that's coming from me! He said we can drive. Hmmm.... drive around a parking lot, FUN! NOT! I said "let's walk!" So I froze and we walked and I froze some more. Anything to make time pass so I could be anywhere else but there! 

After about 10 minutes of popsicle walking, he asked "So, am I going with you?" I replied "Going with me where? To lunch with my friend and I?" To which he replied , "yeah."  I then said, perhaps too quickly, "I didn't think so and hadn't planned on that."  "Oh, ok." Really? REally? REALLY? Yup! I was sooo done and checked out by then! There was no way this dude was seeing date 2.  Oh, not to mention he smelled like a corpse wearing Axe. Cheap cologne over top  body wash is never good!

We said our good-byes and I met a friend at the mall, whom I proceeded to tell about the date ASAP of course. She suggested we meet at Burger King for lunch, which was very funny of her! :) He texted me and asked what I thought and if I'd like a second date. I didn't reply right away because my momma always said "If you don't have something nice to say..." I pondered on a response for a bit and before I could reply, he sent me another text saying he enjoyed my company (I mean who wouldn't? LOL. I was SOOO into his boring A$$ job!) and he would like to see me again. To which I then replied something like, you smell like a dead body, wearing a retarded flame shirt, made me freeze walking around aimlessly because I'll be damned before I get into a car with you, came up with fast food as a good date and then made me pay for my own coffee on top of it all. Hell NO to a second date. Oh wait! I didn't say that, but I was thinking it! I really said, "To be honest, I just didn't think we clicked."  I did however tell him that girls don't like to be taken to fast food joints for a date. He told me he was thinking of me and knew I was on a tight budget. I then explained, if I couldn't afford a meal at any of the places I suggested then I wouldn't have suggested them! He then got bitchy with me because I got a pedicure done the day before (courtesy of mom's b-day present to me) and he didn't think I should have gotten one if I was on a budget. I told him it was none of his business what I spend my money on since he couldn't even buy me a tea! Anyway, needless to say, but I'm saying it anyway, NO second date for Mr. February! ***Why is "needless to say" even a phrase because it's always followed by whatever needn't be said!***

Mr. January

Ok, so I wasn't going to start this because it seems like the minute I do, no dates can be found. Last year I got through Mr. August... let's see if 2013 treats me better.  Since Mr. January happened in January so I'm on target (so far) I figured there's no time like the present to start this. Plus, I've had a few requests to start a new blog for those that are living vicariously through my dating life! I hope It's entertaining....
     Mr. January was Jamie (I think that's his name).  We chatted online for a day or two and out of no where, I told him that I'd be at Bamboo's with a friend if he needed to get out of the house and do something. I thought nothing more of it because, come on, who is adventurous enough to go somewhere where they have never been before to meet someone they don't know? Well, he showed up and he was adorable! Think your typical blonde haired, blue eyed, air force military man, complete with Peacoat!  Adorable! He didn't seem too interested in building a relationship or even hanging out again (we didn't exchange numbers) but then again, neither was I. It was a fun night and he was very entertaining, easy to talk to and witty but just not as rugged as I'd like Mr. Future Ex-husband to be!  On to Mr. February.....